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Continuation of ‘The other side of the coin’

by Sy OgulnickMay 2016

Most of us are ‘caregivers’ in one way or the other because it is what we have experience even if badly and painfully or loaded with love and empathy. In any case, my intentions here are to explore my feelings and thoughts on the loving and unconditional side of ‘care giving.’ 

My role model is my wife. What I experienced from Lenette is difficult to express because it was beyond just “being there” for me. It was and is so total that I actually hurt for her. How many amongst us want those we love to exist only for us? Even the totally selfish and self centered must have a part of them that is aware? All I know is that from the moment I entered the hospital to prepare for the operation Lenette was immediately and totally there on my behalf. Her life became one of seeing to my needs in as complete a manner as is possible and her personal needs disappeared well into the background. If she left my side it was temporary, necessary and as immediately as possible back to me.

When I wrote on the subject of becoming vulnerable in previous papers I was not being creative and speculating on what being vulnerable means. What I drew from was my experience of actually being helpless and so in need of others that my becoming vulnerable had nothing to do with choice. How foolish to be and know you are helpless and to resist and even fight those who are necessary to your very survival?
I knew me as independent (please note “I knew me as”). I was the example I could and did draw from as the “true entrepreneur” I wrote about this person in my book in the chapter on “True Entrepreneur.” I compared this true entrepreneur to the false entrepreneur and in the process realized I was exposing myself and how I lived my life. It was probably a good thing during those days and events that I did not stop to examine what and why I did what I did? I envisioned and went for it.

The point is not what I was, but rather what I became minutes after I woke from the operation. I needed help to exist and the help was there in spades and love. I was enveloped by love and care for me. How does one not recognize this?

I am referring only to what I have and continue to experience. If I’m lucky and blessed to have this I accept this, but I also believe this might be what we each will experience if we allow others to do and care for us when we are truly helpless, not feigning helplessness. And here I point out a major issue for the person that becomes the “caregiver.” The true “caregiver” gives and does not count the score; the false one expects a pay-back.

The “caregiver” I identify in this paper gives their love and self unconditionally. Many people recognize this in pets, but how do we not know this in our personal relationships? Clearly, for those of us who are animal owners and lovers, we know what “unconditional” means. We experience this under any and all circumstances. Our animal friends are there for us as we need to be there for them. Reciprocity is one result, but there are so many others good things that take place. 

So it is with humans if we are so blessed, and I am.  More To Follow.   Sy

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