Before I go there I need to acknowledge the numerous responses from my most recent paper. I asked for it and it does come back to me and worth every word. Thanks! Also, before I get to the topic of this paper I will briefly explain my approach to the papers I’ve written over the years.
1. I enjoy this format as a convenient way to communicate with friends, former associates and clients from the past.
2. I’m committed to keeping each paper to one page and If this means squeezing thoughts and little or no explanations that’s okay. You fill it in or drop me a line with your questions and/or disagreements and I promise a response.
3. Been writing papers since the fifties. I keep thinking that maybe I ought to go over them and see what changes have taken place in my philosophy?
What follows does pertain to the recent paper on being vulnerable:
Being vulnerable to the people close and important to you is essential or what is communication between you and them? It’s not dialogue to be sure, but monologue and how effective is monologue? Not much.
Questions came via the recent paper and they almost all pointed out that the problem for most people is that expectations are mixed in with any attempt to be vulnerable with significant others. So, yes, we may have the courage to be vulnerable, but close to the surface are our expectations. And expectations unexposed are barriers felt and therefore does influence what dialogue may or may not take place. By bringing expectations to light and discussion the door is open to being vulnerable in its purest form (without attachments).
The example I often used is where the parents want their daughter or son to be a doctor and are happy to pay the cost of education. But the teenager really has a love of music and wants desperately to make music not medicine. Without these vital expectations being placed on the table for discussion and resolution pain, frustration and disappointment lives amongst them and awaits its full blown arrival.
The vulnerable of which I write and intend does not have expectation influencing behavior and intentionality because it has been dealt with and properly resolved. There is nothing hidden and what is heard and understood is clear and unequivocal. This is the courage I refer to and is both about giving and receiving. Easy to write about, but not easy to achieve.
True vulnerability without attachments brings remarkable results to the more enlightened. Unfettered and without expectations, people allow themselves to risk being vulnerable, and with this comes respect, increased personal responsibility and creativity. (And being one’s self).
None of what I’ve written and believe in is easy and yet we have all been there (if only as new born) and experienced both its joy and pain. Now, not tomorrow, we need to risk its joy. Sy
L&MB Magazine 6 - Q2, 2016
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